Bobcatfan

bobcatfan

bobcatfan

Luv Ya Blue
HI guys!
So many things that I think are important in my life at this time but I think im going to share/relive the past 11 months since my partner had his stroke.

Ive learned a lot and hopefully my experiances will help people who find them selfs in the same situation some day. I have kept somewhat of a diary for most of the 11 months and i finished re reading it again today, it gives me strength to carry on and reminds me that things have been a lot worse at one time in the past year.

There are other important issues that I could discuss but they have had to take second fiddle to Kennys stroke.

I have recieved a lot of encouragement from some of the posters on Yappi and some valuable information from them as well. Ill never forget their words of advise and will thank them in this blog when the time is right.

Some things I wrote in my diary dont really make much sence at times until I sit back and relive the day that they happened, Stress, Stress and even more stress will do that to a person.

Ill start from the beginning tomorrow morning sometime with the day before and the day of the stroke, The only parts I didnt keep a diary of, those parts are in my memory and I can never forget those three weeks before I started the Stroke Diary.

Wish me luck on reliving my Year of Hel l
 
 
April 16 2006

I started working in Norwich, CT and commutted back and forth from work, 1 1/2 drive each way. On the evening of the 16th Kenny dropped a gallon of milk all over the kitchen floor. said he just grabbed it wrong. He dropped a plate of dinner all over the living room floor a half hour later and ran into the wall when he tried to get to the bathroom. His was stuttering his speach all day and I couldnt understand a word he was saying and had to keep asking him to repeat himself all the time.

I though he was on something but couldnt be sure. I thought it was cocaine or crack because I heard thru the grape vine that he was doing drugs.

He went to sleep that night and kept complaining of severe headaches all night, he took a couple aspirins and a Tylenol PM and went to sleep.



If I would have know the signs of a stroke maybe, just maybe I could have got him to the hospital sooner

http://www.strokeassociation.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=1020
Stroke is a medical emergency. Know these warning signs of stroke and teach them to others. Every second counts:

Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
Sudden, severe headache with no known cause
Call 9-1-1 immediately if you experience symptoms!
Time lost is brain lost!


Tomorrow: The day of the Stroke
 
Last edited:
April 17 2006

Got a call from my partner around 7:15 am, he said "help me, help me, I think im having a stroke" Then he hung up the phone and left it off the hook. I had to call a friend and have him rush to the house and Ken wouldnt open the door. Our friend Joe went and got our landlord and they we in such a panic they couldnt find the keys to the apartment. Ken finaly opened the door just as they were calling 911 for help.

He told the nurses in the emergency room at St. Annes Hospital in Fall River that he just thought he was having a case of Bells Palsey and when I got to the emergency room I saw that he was having problems with his arm and that his speech was slurred. The nurses did some quick tests and determined that he was having a stroke. He spent 1 1/2 weeks in the hospital, lost the use of his left arm, both legs, the left side of his face and his mind started to slip away slowly.

The social worker at the hospital guided me to a web site for information on what I was about to experiance dealing with a stroke victim, They never told me that I was about to take a jorney on an emotional rollercoaster that I will never forget

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/stroke/stroke.htm

I was told form a social worker at Project Aware in Fall River that to better deal with the stress I was about to go thru that I should keep a journal of daily experiances. If my journal helps even one person deal with the after effects of taking care of a stroke victim then my time will have been well spend keeping the journal.
 
After a week and a half in the hospital and a week and a half in rehab at Charlton Hospital, Kenny came home on May 8 2006

5-8-06

Kenny came home from the hospital today, the stress level was unbelievable for me all morning!
Things were not as bad as I thought they would be once he got home. He could walk half way decent but was still a little wobbly.
He spend his time between the bed and the sofa, He did sit in the recliner but had to go to the bathroom and couldnt get the recliner to unrecline! Help! I had to litterly pick him up out of the chair and help him stand, he wont be reclining in the chair anymore soon!
He wanted things all day and wouldnt let me sit down for 5 minutes, bring me some crushed ice, call this one or that one, make me something to eat, did you call this one or that one?, Make me American chop suey, make me a milkshake, ect. ect. ect.
Changed his depends 4 times today, I hope that Mass health aproves him for more soon.
He wants a wheelchair so he can go to the store with me, I talked to his social worker from the hospital and she is going to make inquirys.
Steve brought him over some pea soup Paula made and he ate a lot of it. I also made him a Patty melt sandwich, which was easier than going to Newport creamery like he wanted me to.
He took all of his pills this evening, and went to sleep at 8:30.
Day 1 wasnt as bad as I feared and I wasnt as stressed out as I thought I would!

5-9-06

Slept on the couch so I wouldnt disturb him and he woke me up at 12:30 am, panicing because i wasnt in the bedroom. I think he though I left him alone. He had to go to the restroom and I had one heck of a time getting him out of bed. He could hardly stand up and I had to guide him to the bathroom. He couldnt stand up and kept falling while I was trying to take his pants down. Once I got his diaper off and got him on the toilet he fell off and hit his head on the tub. I was in near panic! I got him back up and checked him out and he seemed ok, Hopefully anyway. Finaly got his clean diaper on and got him back to bed. I think it was the sleeping pill/anti depressant that caused him to be so groggy and unstable. (Mirtazapine)

Kenny slept until 7:30 and shocked me by getting out of bed and walking into the living room on his self, (Big Sigh of relief)
I fixed the portable toilet so It would fit over the comode so he now has something to hold onto when he trys to sit down and something to lean on if he feels tipsy and falls over.
Going to try to give him a bath some time this morning.
Took his pills and had toast and Tea and of course a cup cake for breakfast. Hopefully he will want something else to eat but he never ate breakfast before so dont know if I can talk him into eatting anything else for breakfast.

Visiting nurse from VNA of Southeastern Ma came today and Beverly from Gabriel care also came.
Things went fairly well today with the exception of my trip to Stop @ Shop, when I came home Kenny went to the rest room by his self, took his pamper off and wiped the best he could and pulled his pants up himself. I cleaned him up and put a diaper on him and changed his sweat pants for him. Me thinks he can make it to the restroom if he has too but wants to be babied by someone (me). Hopefully this will give him confidence that he can go to the restroom on his own most of the time. Said he spent a hour on the pot waiting for me to get back home, I was only gone 45 minutes.

Didnt get to give him a bath, nurse wants me to wait for the physical theripist to make sure the tub seat is in the proper place and that I know the proper procedure to get Ken in and out of the tub.

He is still drinking thin liquids too fast and starts to cough, cant confince him that he will get liquids in his lungs but he wont listen. Dont want to see him go back on necter thick liquids but he might have to if he doesnt follow doctors orders.

Going to have to try some other type of diapers, the ones that he can just pull up, to see if they help him, by the time he gets the hospital diapers undone he has already went to the bathroom in them.

A lot of questions to ask the doctor tomorrow, a lot!!
 
5-10-06

Jamy, Kens neice called last night, she talked to him on the phone and wished him well.
He got me up at 2:30 just to eat a cupcake and sit on the couch for a while then again at 5 to go to the bathroom. He made it in time and I didnt have to change his depends. The pull up ones are real simple to use!
He slept most of the day and got up around 1030 to go to the bathroom, changed his depends, it was a little messy but not near as bad as the other diapers.


Physical theripist nurse came to see him at 1130, She showed me how to get him in and out of the tub and worked with his arm and legs some, she will be making twice weekly visits for the timebeing.
Went to the doctor to see Dr Alonso for his 1 pm apointment, she gave him some more meds and refered him to a counsler and a phycisitrist (man I spell bad, lol)

We took a drive to Pawtucket to walts roast beef and by the time we got home it was 445pm, He was tired and ready to go to bed but Joe called and now he wants to go out with him for a while somewhere, I dont think he needs to go so Im trying to reason with him that he had a long day and needs to rest.

Kenny stayed home afterall, (thank God) Took his pills after I sorted them out to put them in order or when he has to take them, close to 20 pills a day now.
Steve came to visit for an hour or so an brought over some corn muffins
Ken went to bed at 8:30 and I finaly went to bed around 9:30, Ken woke me up at 10:30, I want ice chips, woke me up at 11:30 I dropped my cup get me more Ice Chips..........

5-11-06

Woke me up at 12:30 to go to pee and then sat on the couch, get me milk, get me a cup cake. I went back to bed and he woke me up again, get me more milk. I finaly told him that he was going to have to start fending for himself because I have to get sleep or im no good for anyone. Made him mad and he slept on the couch but did get up and get some milk during the night a few times.
He had problems getting to the bathroom in the morning and woke me to help, I think he tries to take his pants down before he is close enough to the toilet and then gets wobbly. Im more than willing to help him but he has to start tring to do thing for himself. I cant let him get too dependant on me or he will never want to get better!

Took a shower today, I washed him down good and washed his hair
Still hasnt had an accident in his diaper since yesterday afternoon, thats a good sign
Still has that cough, I hope its not fluid getting into his lungs, Have to keep a close eye on that.
I tell him he drinks things too fast but he is stuburn and wont listen (did he ever listen?)

Occupational therapist (sandy) and Physical therapist (Lori) came today.

Took Ken to Stop@ Shop with me today, he drove around the store in a motorized shopping cart, he zipped up and down those isles and I had a heck of a time keeping up with him. I was afraid he was going to crash into someone or something, LOL

Told him I was going to go do a job tonight and that Doug was going to stay with him. As i suspected he tried to talk Doug into getting him some crack. Doug was a basket case not knowing what to do.hated to put Doug thru this but I had to know what Kenny would do when I was gone) He told Ken that he shouldnt do it that it might cause him to have another stroke or could kill him and Ken told him he didnt care that he would only do a little of it. He took 2 of his high blood pressure pills in anticipation so Il hid them suckers since he doesnt use them anymore. I told Doug to just pretend that he called a dealer and to take a walk for 45 minutes or so and then tell him the dealer never showed up. Thank God Doug was worried enough not to buy him any, hopefully no one else is stupid enough to buy him any either. I dont know what to do about this problem, he is determined to get some crack or coke and is trying to talk someone into getting it for him. He cant find his cell phone to call his dealer ( I trashed it) or he cant find his numbers in his wallet ( I trashed them)

He took his pills and went to bed
 
5-12-06

Woke me up at 4:30 had to pee, He was real groggy again this morning and couldnt hardly stand or walk. I still think its the afteraffects of the meds he takes at night. I put him back to bed so we will see how he is when he wakes up later (hopefully he will sleep for several more hours (its 5:15am now)

OT Nurse was late, real late, she forgot about the apointment and didnt get here until around 2:30. Kenny was just bitching because she was late. The visiting nurse was here around noon. Got a new seat for the toilet that doesnt have legs and it seems to work very well.

Kenny is determined to get ahold of some drugs but me and Doug had a little talk with him this afternoon, problably went in one ear and right out the other but at least he didnt get any this week so far.

Went to Movable feast and Kenny was bitching because Margaret didnt say hi to him, she was busy getting the meals ready as usual, says he isnt going back.

5-13-06

He choked on a pill this morning, the compivir and this evening he told me he wasnt going to take his potassium pill because thats what he choked on, I told him it wasnt and he said oh yes it was watch and sure enough he choked on it, On Purpose!
Told me I gave him the wrong pill this morning.

He thinks I should run run run for every little thing he wants, I sit down and he wants his pillow, i sit down, he says i want you to turn out the light, get my blanket, get me milk, get me my pills, get me my cane, He is going to drive me insane before this is over.
Im going to tell him that if he wants to stay home he is going to have to start fending for himself sometimes because I dont need to get sick by lack of rest.

Im planning on going to bed early and im telling him that i need my sleep and if i dont get it im going to a motel, he will probably say go, lol
 
I keep mentioning people in my "story" so I think I should fill everyone in on those people.

Ill start with Kens best friend Joe, They have known each other for around 12 years now, they were both in the Greater Fall River Consumer Advisory Board and Full Consortium of Fall River. Both programs deal with the distribution of funding for AIDS related programs in our area.

Steve, another of Kens friend, drinking buddys and cribbage partners
Paula, Steves wife, she is legaly blind and thinks the world of Kenny

Margaret, the Administrator of Movable Feast, They deliver home cooked meals to people with HIV and AIDS in the Fall River area, Ken was on the board of directors

Ron and Vaughn, both were on the CAB and Ron was also a board member of movable feast

The staff of Family Health Care center at Stanley Street treatment and Resource Center, SSTAR

The staff of Project Aware at SSTAR

The Visiting Nurses Association of South East Massachusetts , VNA

The staff of Gabriel Care, An Adult Foster care Program that We belong to, Im Kens caregiver thru them

And then there is Doug, How on Earth do I describe Doug??
 
Now on to Doug, Where to begin???

Ken and I met Doug over 10 years ago, Not going to say where ;)

6 years ago Doug was in a tragic fire. He shared an appartment with a young couple, the guy was 21 and a Marine. The kids girlfriend was at work, she worked the grave yard shift and Doug fell asleep on the couch and his friend fell asleep in the chair. Sometime late that evening, it was July 4th, Doug woke up to the smell of smoke. The entire apartment was filled with smoke and he attempted to find his friend who was only 5 feet away. Doug made it to a window and the investigators believe that he opened the window which caused the living room of the apartment to explode into flames. The force of the blast blew Doug out of the third floor apartment window and he landed over 50 feet from the building on the concrete parking lot.

Sadly his friend did not survive the fire, they found him still sitting in what was left of the chair burnt beyond recoginition.

Doug broke both of his feet and his back from the fall, He went thru numerous opperations and spent almost 4 months in the hospital. The doctors told him he would never walk again but he was determined and was walking in a little over a year.

Doug had survivors guilt and had a hard time dealing with the Fire and turned to alcohol. He was sharing an apartment with 2 of his co workers and they thru him out in December of 2005. We let Doug stay with us for a little over a month when he moved in with his best friend and boss.

Two weeks before the stroke I saw Doug walking in the woods behind the Super Stop & Shop and stopped him, here his best friend thru him out and he was staying in the woods for the past two weeks. I again took him home to stay with Ken and I.
 
Doug Part 2

The day of the stroke I had no way of contacting Doug, he was at work.
He finaly heard of Kens stroke thru the grapevine and later that evening he told me about Kens drug problem, which I suspected for some time.

Doug stayed with Ken when I went back to work a week after Ken was released from the rehab center and We spent many many hours talking to Ken trying to convince him that the Drugs probably caused his stroke.

Doug still comes over several times a week to visit, and eat me out of house and home. He would like to move back in but doesnt know if he can deal with Ken on a daily basis anymore.

He was and is my Savior, he was there for me thru out the first several months after the stroke, We spend many nights crying together and getting drunk together when Ken was back in the hospital.

Thank You Doug for being there!
 
To continue my story:
*Note the Bold Lines, probably the funniest thing that has happened since Ken's stroke, shouldnt be laughing about it, he could have got hurt, Oh If my camera was working at the time*
5-14-06

I actually got some sleep last night, he woke me up a couple of times but then he got up himself and got milk and went to the restroom by his self.
I took a nap this afternoon also, for an hour or so.

Nothing else to do because its raining again, all week nothing but rain!
I made him a hamburger on the grill, in the poring rain and then he wouldnt eat it, didnt like it. UGH!

Im going to work in the morning, early, so hopefully things will work out ok. Joe is taking him to the doctors which should be interesting.

5-15-06

Interesting night, Heard a crash at 1am and found Ken in the bathroom half in the comode. He tries to take his pants down before he is close to the comode and then stumbles and falls. Then at 130 am I heard another crash and this time I found him in the kitchen half in the trash can. He decided he was going to cook an egg and lost his balance, fell in the trash can, egg all over the floor and egg shell still in his hand. I rescued him and got him an egg and he made his own egg omelet , he did forget to turn off the stove and set the smoke alarm off.

He wanted his wallet and ATM card before I left for work, I told him no and he was bitching about that all day. Oh well he aint getting ahold of it or his checks.

Went to work this morning after I put a chair by the fridge so he can sit on it if he feels wobbly while in the kitchen.

Joe picked him up and took him to a couneler ar SSTAR and he called me before they left looking for the house key, he layed the phone down and forgot to turn it off so the battery died and no one could call.

I got home and he was moping around wining and crying because Joe wouldnt stop and get him a hard roll, I think he wanted Joe to take him to get drugs and Joe said no.

Went and bought a new phone so he can still call if he forgets to hang the phone up and the battery dies on it, have 3 cordless phones now.

He took his neomycin after I cut it into 4ths and gave it to him with pudding.

Had a nice long talk with him about how worried everyone was about him because of his drug problem, he still says Doug tried to kill him by not mixing it right, I assume he is talking about crack.

Overall a very good day, just kenny being kenny but he wasnt that bad to deal with tonight.
 
5-16-06

Day started out good but I got a call around 830am from Kenny, he couldnt get up off the couch so he rolled over onto the floor and couldnt get up, Ive fallen and Cant get up! I called Steve to come and rescue him.

Hasnt had an accident in his diaper for the past few days now if I can only get him to hang the phone up when he is done with it. It either is busy all the time or rings constantly from the call waiting, The Nurses cant get thru and they are going crazy trying to set up appointments. I went and bought an STi mobil phone so they can call me if they cant get thru.

OT nurse came today and worked on his arm, his hand was swollen today from him not keeping it elevated enough.

I went to work at 8pm and at 7:45 he decided he wanted a bath NOW!, I told him oh well it will have to wait until tomorrow

5-17-06

Had problems getting him out of bed this morning, at 130, he couldnt stand very good and kept running into things, had a lot of problems getting him to the bathroom. He fell asleep on the couch and was in pretty good shape when he woke up.

Gave him a bath today and he is starting his give me give me I want this and I want that today, every time I sit down to drink a cup of coffee he starts.

Speech theripist and OT and PT nurses are coming today, I think he needs a head doctor also.

Therapy went ok but then he started being typical Kenny, I want to go out to Newport Creamery, if you dont take me then you wont get any rest the rest of the night, blagh blagh blagh.
Took him there and he did eat his cheeseburger but he was awful tired and could hardly walk. The nurses told him to not take a nap during the day so he would sleep all night, I put him to bed because he was tired, period!

been a difficult day and im all stressed out again, the nurses dont want him left alone or walk anywhere unless someone is with him. I think the best therapy for him is for him to try to do things himself and not get too dependant on someone. Dont think I can deal with too many more days like this one. I just have to hang in there and hope things get better soon before I go crazy and have a breakdown.

Didnt give him his Seroquel this evening, he fell asleep and didnt take any of his meds, I let him sleep.
 
5-18-06

Happy Birthday to me!

Went to work today and had a good day, Joe stayed with Kenny for a couply hours this morning, Im going to give him $20 for his time.
He was in real good shape today, hopefully it was the result of not taking the Seroquel. The Visiting Nurse said that he could only take it as needed if I wanted to give it to him that way. His blood pressure was low 90/70something. Said they would keep an eye on it to see if it becomes normal again.

Mike Sousa and a State agent came to visit for a Gabriel House evaluation.

Took Ken with me to Bristol to pick up Doug and stopped and got him an ice cream cone. He is tired now and hopefully i can talk him into taking a nap.

So much for a nap, Kenny is determined that he is going to Providence with Joe tonight, He is sitting out on the porch swing with his coat on ready to go, aint going to happen!
I guess this means that getting any sleep tonight is out of the question, going to be an interesting evening to say the least.

Had to take Kenny to Flo's in Island park for clam cakes and chowder to get his mind off of going to Providence, Joe just laughed when I told him that Kenny thought he was going to take him there.
Took him home and put him to bed.

Had to go pick up Doug in Portsmouth after he go finished with the job he was doing for labor ready, when we got back Kenny was coming out of the bedroom yelling who rang the doorbell? He must have heard a bell on the TV or dreamed he heard one, he said we were liers that we didnt ring the bell. Then he went out the door and started ringing the door bell to prove that that was what he heard, he was ringing the 3rd floors bell and she just laughed when she saw it was him.

He wont take his pills again tonight, wants a cookie instead so I made some and i guess we will see if he will take his pills after he has his cookie.
 
5-19-06

The Day of HeL L! The Day I finally snapped and lost all hope

He started early in the evening last night, first with the demanding this and demanding that, help me do this , help me do that. Then came the coughing, first a little and then louder and louder and even louder. I would lay down on the couch and he would scream for soemthing, I would lay in bed then he would scream for soemthing, He was driving me nuts and Doug nuts at the same time. I finaly blew up around 1030 and Doug tried to calm things down. I had to help him to the bathroom several times and the time he didnt ask for help he almost knocked the TV over.

I left for work and Doug called and said he was driving him crazy with the cough, I came home early and he started his ----, Call Mike Sousa about the wheel chair, Im not going to the emergency room, Take me to hanover st to dr Phillips, even though he knows Dr Phillips isnt taking any more patients at this time, Call Mass Health, call this one and that one, Your trying to kill me, and on and on and on. I called SSTAR in a panic and tried to get him an appt as soon as possible, I think i drove the poor nurses crazy and snapped at Pat Hayes, She knew something was wrong big time.

I took him up and I couldnt stop crying and was shaking uncontrolably on the way there, I broke down in the hall way and Dee Wright took me into a room and tried to calm me down, I told her the whole story of how abusive he had become in the past day, I told her I think its because he wants drugs. I talked to Elaine and Bee and Pat Hayes, I talked to Jackie Luz and they all gave me a lot of support. They all decided that the best thing was to admit him to the hospital just to get him away from me before I had a breakdown. They are all angels for their help!

Saw Vaughn and Ron Schenck and let them know what was going on, they were also very supportive.

Had him admitted to the hospital and came home and went to sleep, truned off the phones and it was a good thing, he called 6 times but couldnt get any answer.
Told the nurse about his attempt to get drugs so they are going to keep an eye on him and she told me not to worry just to go home ,shut the phones off and sleep sleep sleep.

I picked up Doug at work and hit a $100 on a RI scratch ticket so I bought some Vodka and am currently drinking, on top of the Valium I have a pretty good buzz.

I do feel a lot less stress tonight and now its going to be a wait and see what happens weekend, I might have to consider putting him in a nursing home if things dont change with him, hate to do that but it might be for the best, my health is too important to let something like this destroy me.

God be with me and Kenny and help him recover from not only the stroke but his drug problem, Give me strength to carry on
Amen Lord ,Amen
 
5-20-06 & 5-21-06

Ken had his good moments and his bad moments, the worse was when he suddenly decided that he didnt want me to be his care giver or on his health care proxy anymore, I found out later that he asked Joe to buy him drugs and Joe told him he was crazy so I guess this was Kens way of getting back at me. I told his social worker the story of the past few months leading up to the stroke and then He decided that he didnt want Doug here anymore either. He wanted to be in charge of himself, she told him he couldnt do that.

Everything past or he forgot about it before the night was over and he was in a very good mood on Sunday.

5-22-06
Ken got dismissed from the hospital after his Dr asked me if I wanted him to come home, I said Yes If he would cooperate this time. That lasted for a whole 30 seconds when he got home, demanded milk and I told him no and that if he started his ---- that I would just call the hospital and tell them to come get him and take him back. That calmed him down.

He was still getting demanding, The phone dont work right, call Margaret, call Steve, i cant get the phone to work (he was dialing the wrong number, a 2 instead of a 5.

He got a wheel chair today and right away was demanding to go to price rite, I told him not today. Tried to eat but he kept calling for me to get him something or tell me something every 30 seconds, I finaly ignored him and he went to sleep.

Hopefully Ill be able to get some sleep tonight, hopefully!!
 
5-23-06

Ken had diarea again last night, changed his diaper twice, once he thought he just had to fart and the other time he almost made it to the bathroom but not quite.

His cough is still there, trying to see if he can have cough medicine.

He is starting his ---- about not letting me sit down for 5 seconds and demanding things right now, I told him he didnt get his way in the hospital and he wasnt going to get it at home either.

He is still on the phone doesnt work kick and now is on a cut my finger nail kick.

Im think im nuts for putting myself thru this again!

Beverly came over from Garbiel House and re evaluated Ken and decided that they didnt think that I could give Ken the care he needs at this time, we are going to be removed from the program and hopefully then I will be able to get some help. I am hoping that I can get him into a rehab center soon, very soon. I have calls placed to his doctor and to his case worker. This is bad, real bad and I dont know what to do anymore. I do know one thing, he needs more help that what I can give him and I need to be rescued from this nightmare and rescued soon.

5-24-06

What started as a good day turned very sour very quick. Joe stayed with Ken this morning and suppost to take him to get a massage. They never showed up and I tracked him down in Providence, I called Wheels and he was there and had a drink. I do believe he also got a hold of some coke.

I called 911 and they came over to check him out but he refused to go to the hospital. His doctor knows and Gabriel care knows and ill talk to his social worker tomorrow. Something has to be done before he kills him self with Coke.

Touch and go all night, zipping around the house cleaning the refriderator out, running the bissil on the floor, cleaning the grill, looking thru this checking out that. Then came the downer and the ranting and raving and screaming and the pitty party.

I left him with poor Doug and went to South Boston ( Grrrrrrrr) and then to work.

I was depressed and felt like the past 5 1/2 weeks were a waste of time and not worth it
 
Finaly some signs of Hope

5-25-06

Called me once and wanted to know how to make a milk shake, he slept all night and actually could move his arm when he got up out of bed.

I came home and he was in a pretty good mood, Doug noticed that he moved his ring finger in the afternoon and by evening he was moving his middle finger.

It was actually a great evening with little or no problems, for once!



5-26-06

Called me at 1am and wanted me to bring him home a jelly donut in the morning. The only call from him all night.

I called him at 6am and he told me that when he woke up he could make a fist .

Got home and he went with me to take Doug to work. We stopped at the stor and won $100 on a scratch ticket.

He want to go here and there and everywhere today, I tried to sleep and that wasnt going to happen. He wanted the grill started so he could cook a hot dog. Couldnt find the butter so I had to go find it for him. Wanted to cut some cheese in half and couldnt do it himself. Then the VNA Nurse came over at 12 and then I had to give him a bath after she left.

We have an appointment at 3 -3:30 and he wants me to call her and cancel because he wants to run run run. He has been going thru things and moving things around in the drawers and cabinets and cubbords.

I dont know what is worse him being verbally abusive or him zipping around the house full of energy because he feels good today.

PT and OT nurses came today and man were they stunned in the improvement he has made, They believe that he doesnt need to go to a rehab center now but would do better with outpatient threapy. Today I tend to agree with them.
Im still concerned about his mind, He seems a little slow at times but I believe it depends on if he is tired or not.
After the VNA left we took a drive to go pick up Doug and Ken wanted clam cakes so we had to drive to FLO's and then went to movable feast, left there and went to Price Rite and then came home. He was trying to dall Doug and called my friend David instead, David thought something happened and called back to check on things.

Doug is freaking out that he might not go to rehab, he is afraid the abuse might start again and he doesnt think he can handle things. Im scared about that also but we have all weekend to see how things go before we have to decide what course of action to take, In patient therapy or out patient therapy. Only time will tell and I hope things work out for the best because he seems in real good spirits today and I have regained my hope that I lost.
 
5-27-06
Woke me up. or should I say tried to wake me up, several times during the night, i wouldnt budge so he woke Doug up at 1:30 to help him take his pills. He wants to run again today and Im sick so as soon as the speach therapist gets here and leaves im going to bed. He wants me to call her and cancel because i was going to get the car inspected today but the window is cracked so i have to get that repaired. he wants to do that TODAY!!!

He wants to go to Lincoln downs tonight but that will also depend on how i feel later. If im still sick im not going anywhere!

Speach therapist came over and she gave him a thumbs up, she had him drink thin liquids and he didnt have any problems with it, she still wants him to do the chin tuck when he drinks to be safe.

Went to Newport to play slots, he had a real good time, he won and I won and I left the joint with more money in my pockets than i went with.

He was ragging on Doug for some reason so I gave him his pills and slipped him a Seroquil and sent him to bed, hopefully he will sleep all night, he really needs it.

5-28-06

Ok now I feel bad, He slept all night, he wanted to get up but then changed his mind and went back to bed. He finaly got up around 6 and was still tired and real calm. I made him pancakes and gave him a bath and we went to the flea market in Raynham.
He was still tired and wanted to leave after about an hour. We stopped and got some cups at stop @ shop and came home.

He is in bed sleeping right now and I called Ponta Delgada to see if they still have Sunday Bingo, they do so we are going to go there tonight.

He wants to cook the ribs we bought Friday for lunch before we leave tonight.

I am not going to give him a sleeping pill tonight so he can come out of his la la land before tomorrow. I want him to be in good shape so that everyone coming Tuesday can see how much he has improved since last Monday.
 
5-29-06

another great day, the swelling went down in his hand and he can once again make a fist.
Went to stop @ shop and relaxed most of the day. Allergys are kicking into high geat though, that sucks.

Debbie from the VNA came today and Ken likes her alot, maybe because she gives him a kiss on the fore head before she leaves

He went to bed early and tried to wake me up around 11, i just ignored him (not that i could have got out of bed, nyquil, tylenot pm, and benadryl and threaflu knoced me for a loop )and went back to sleep, he finaly gave up and came back to bed.

5-30-06

I went to work around 4am today and didnt get home until 3pm.
Things went fairly well at home while i was gone that is

I have come to the conclusion dear Kenny wants to be pampered!
Ricky Amaral stopped by to visit Kenny , He didnt take his pills this morning because he didnt feel like making himself a milkshake, even tho he does it all the time. He naturally had to say something about it in front of the PT, I asked him why he didnt make it himself and said that if he was too lazy to make one then dont blame me for it.
Cut the meat off of the ribs he wanted me to cook and then he wouldnt eat them, he wanted ravioli instead.

Put the AC in the livingroom and now he wants me to put the one in the bedroom tonight, I said nope!
Wants to take a bath, I said Nope!
Im going to bed and sleep like a little baby ( hopefully anyway)
 
5-31-06

Pretty good day , Kenny is still on the phone dont work kick and still thinks I should run run run for him. I just ignore him and tell him to get over it.

Made him a smoothie and then he didnt drink it naturally
Made him something to eat and then he wouldnt eat it, naturally

He wants a pitty party and he aint getting it from me!

6-1-06

Hot day at work, finished Norwich finaly

He called me no less than a dozen times from 1230 to 100 and couldnt get ahold of me, i was in a dead area, call me, call me, are you ever going to call me?????
He couldnt find his check book, it was where he left it but of course i hid it from him. Then he couldnt find his wallet and of course i hid that also, and it was right where he put it also.

Then he wanted me to call about the window on the car because the phone wouldnt work and he couldnt call out???

Wanted me to run again when I got home and I said yea right.

His diapers from mass health came in. They are not the pull ups so he thinks i should call them and have them exchanged and if i dont then ill just have to change his diaper all the time. I told him he would just have to sit in it because i wasnt staying home all day just to change his diaper when he can make it to the bathroom. He is being a jerk again, I told him i guess you will have to go to rehab after all if you think im staying home and pampering you all the time.
 
Things finaly started to improve, so much I didnt feel the need to post in my journal, nothing significant happened during the 20 days between posts

6-22-06

You can tell things have been going well, I havenet posted for a while YEA!!

OT and PT therapy is starting next week at St Annes rehab and Speach therapy started this week
they did put Ken on a thickened diet because of his throat, They are probably going to put in a feeding tube for nourishment as well. Yuch!

He is still brutal at times but I just got used to it I guess

We went to Pride last Saturday in Rhode Island and had a good time, he made it thru most of the evening, until he got cold and it started to rain. We didnt see much of the parade because of the rain but we had fun anyways.

He had a Dr appointment yesterday, the 21st, and screamed at Dr Alonso. But he then calmed down again and hopefully things will improve with the therapy starting.

He is moving his arm better and can walk better, he pushed a buggy at Stop&Shop today when we went shopping to buy baby food and yogurt for him to eat.

Until next time I feel like I need to chat!
 
Some information on the type of Stroke that Ken Had

Right-Hemisphere Stroke

The right hemisphere of the brain controls the movement of the left side of the body. It also controls analytical and perceptual tasks, such as judging distance, size, speed, or position and seeing how parts are connected to wholes.

A stroke in the right hemisphere often causes paralysis in the left side of the body. This is known as left hemiplegia. Survivors of right-hemisphere strokes may also have problems with their spatial and perceptual abilities. This may cause them to misjudge distances (leading to a fall) or be unable to guide their hands to pick up an object, button a shirt or tie their shoes. They may even be unable to tell right-side up from upside-down when trying to read.

Along with their impaired ability to judge spatial relationships, survivors of right-hemisphere strokes often have judgment difficulties that show up in their behavioral styles. These patients often develop an impulsive style unaware of their impairments and certain of their ability to perform the same tasks as before the stroke. This behavioral style can be extremely dangerous. It may lead the left hemiplegic stroke survivor to try to walk without aid. Or it may lead the survivor with spatial and perceptual impairments to try to drive a car.

Survivors of right-hemisphere strokes may also experience left-sided neglect. Stemming from visual field impairments, left-sided neglect causes the survivor of a right-hemisphere stroke to "forget" or "ignore" objects or people on their left side.

Finally, some survivors of right-hemisphere strokes will experience problems with short-term memory. Although they may be able to recount a visit to the seashore that took place 30 years ago, they may be unable to remember what they ate for breakfast that morning.

http://www.stroke.org/site/PageServer?pagename=EFFECT

Running into walls or door frames, short term memory loss, Left sided neglect as well as Dysphagia (Swallowing disorder) are some of the after affects of the Stroke that I noticed with Ken
 
June 29 - July 4th

Ken Had a feeding tube (G Tube) installed On Thursday the 29th of June , I was trained by the nurses on how to feed him thru the tube, 6 cans of Jevity a day.
Was able to give him his pills with Yogurt instead of crushing them up and flushing them down the feeding tube.

The night that he had the tube installed (Thursday) I noticed that he was bleeding around the tube , bleeding a lot. I took him to the emergency room and they admitted him, They started to administer blood platletts and plasma and could not get the bleeding to stop. It was Saturday evening before they got the bleeding under control , The Tube was not snapped into place properly

They sent him home on Monday under close supervision. Thankfully the tube remained in place and the bleeding didnt start again.

Doug brought a friend of his over for the weekend, Robert. I will say that I had a great weekend!

Ken thru Robert out on Tuesday afternoon, being the angel that I am I havent a clue why! :)
 
Things were going very well, everything considering, for the months of July and August. Therapy was going well, No problems with the feeding Tube, Doug moved back in and then back out and then back in, Still a lot of stress to deal with but not as bad as it was

9-1-06

Took Ken to the hospital with aboniminal pain, turns out it was gall stones so they kept him all labor day weekend. Didnt take the gall stones out because of his blood count was low so they sent him home with percocets and hopefully things will go well until they are able to take the gall bladder out.
 
9-10-06

What a sad day, week for that matters. Headphones got sick on Wednesday and I took him to the Vet, they did some tests and gave me some medicine for him. I took him back on Friday and they did more tests and found out his kindeys were failing. They gave me some medicine for him with the hope that it would get his kidneys working again. Today he couldnt walk and couldnt stand up. He wouldnt eat anything and I had to hold him up to get him to drink anything.

He started to meow in the afternoon, he didnt want to be alone. He tried to get up and go to Kenny and he fell off the chair so I had to put him into a box. We stayed with him all afternoon and early evening and watched my one and only get worse and worse. Tried to get ahold of the Vet because I didnt want to see him suffer but they didnt return my calls. Huey offered to put him out of his mysery but my heart wouldnt let him do it, I did give him a crushed up piece of percocet to ease his suffering though.

He was relaxed and still meowed when he saw someone and seemed happy when I was near him. He passed away sometime after 10pm.

R.I.P. MY dear Headphones, Ill miss you more than anyone will ever know!

Kenny wanted me to have him creamated so he could be buried with him, then he wanted me to put him in a box and ship him to Ohio to be buried there, then he wanted Steve to make him a casket, then he wanted him Buried at Steves house, Then he wouldnt let me go bury him alone, he wanted to be there to make sure I buried him. I finaly convinced him to stay home and I took headphones down by the river behind the factory at the end of Middle street and buried him.

We both cried for days everytime we thought of him or told someone that he passed away.
 
Rest In Peace
My One and Only
Headphones

(they deleted the cat page homepages with the picture of my Baby Headphones)​
 
Last edited:
In the spring of 1991 we rescued Headphones from his owners in Boston, they were going to have him put to sleep so we brought him home with us. He was 1 year old at the time.

He became our best friend and companion and always had enough Love to share between the both of us.

Up until Kens stroke the longest that Ken was away from Headphones was 7 days, The stroke changed that real fast. Headphones constantly watched the door and out the window while Ken was in the hospital and rehab for the first three weeks, waiting, watching and wondering where Ken was.

When Ken came home three weeks later Headphones would not leave his side for more than 5 minutes at a time, was with him constantly thru out the day and night.

When the nurses and therapists from the VNA would come visit Headphones would force himself between them and Ken, just daring them to touch him, Glaring at them and protecting Ken. They had to reasure Headphones that they were not going to hurt Ken or take him away and after a while they would gain his trust and work with Ken, under the close supervision of Headphones.

The night Headphones died Ken woke me up around midnight screaming at the top of his lungs, He is dead, He really really is dead. It was the most heartbreaking moment of the past several months.

He still crys about him every once and a while, misses him still, Of course I miss him myself, probably always will.

It was at this moment that Ken seemed to lose hope, he didnt want to go to therapy anymore, didnt want to leave the house or have company.

I finaly talked him into going to Forever Paws in Fall River to look at Cats with the hope that he would want another to keep him company.
 
9-16-06

Went to forever paws and got another cat today, she is a grey and orange cat that fell in Love with Kenny when we were in the room looking at the cats, she followed him everywhere so we brought her home with us. She sleeps with Kenny and lays in his lap, she follows him everywhere he goes so I thing that we made a good choice to help him stop missing headphones (is that even possible?)

While we were in the community pen at Forever Paws looking at the cats, there was around 20 in the room we were in, all females, Ken was standing by a table and one cat jumped on the table, put her paws on his shoulders and started to rub his face and purr like mad. When he would move she would follow him and when he left the room she ran out the door and followed him down the hall, she chose him . We had to wait two days before we could bring her home and when we went back to get her she ran right to him and tried to jump in his arms, she found a home (or she knew she found a couple suckers for a cat that liked to love)
 
October:

Things went fairly well with Kens health for most of October.
A few bouts with Gall Stone attacks, depression and feeling isolated because he couldnt do the things he used to do.

He got into a fight with our landlord a few times, never did find out what they were fighting about.

We did have an interesting moment with our Landlord in the middle of the month, Very interesting to say the least.

Ken and I live in the first floor apartment of a three tenament building. The landlords father lives on the second floor with his girlfriend and their 3 month old baby.

Our landlord and his wife live in the front building on the first floor, also a three tenament building.

Two young couples lived in the second floor unit in the front house and they had a cute black and white kitten. Unfortunately they did not use flea protection on the cat and their apartment soon became infested with fleas.
The one couple and the cat moved out the last of September.

The land lord flea bombed the second floor apartment 2 times and the fleas kept coming back and they eventually made their way down the stairs into the landlords apartment. They bombed their apartment and the second floor apartment once again but the fleas still came back.

Our dear land lord then decided that since the couple left on the second floor of the front house would come to our home to visit Ken and that Ken would go to their house to visit them that Our apartment must be infested with fleas because we had a cat.

I tried to tell him that we didnt have fleas and that I used preventive measures to make sure that we didnt get fleas but he wouldnt believe me.

He called on a Friday at 10pm and told me that they were going to flea bomb our apartment the next morning at 7am. I told him that Ken was in bed sick so that wasnt possible. They said that they would bomb it on Sunday at 7 am then.

Saturday evening I found a bag of flea bombs that they were going to use in our apartment and read the warning lable, To my horror the lable stated that the product was not to be used in homes with young children, elderly or disabled because it would leave a possible hazzardous residue in the home.

Needless to say I told the landlord that if he wanted to set of bombs then he was going to have to use something that wasnt going to be hazzardous to Kens health. He made a threat that if we wouldnt let him set off bombs then he was "just going to clean everyone out of the unit and start over"

IE: If I cant set off flea bombs because of Kens health then im going evict Ken because of his health.

He did set off flea bombs in the hall way and in the basement and then I found out later in the day that he did not, nor ever had any intention, of setting off flea bombs in his fathers apartment or the third floor apartment because "they didnt have fleas"

Tomorrow: The eviction notice and the battle of wits!
 
One week after the Great Flea war I saw our landlord sneaking up the stairs to our apartment building and put something in our mailbox. He then ran down the walkway like a bat out of ---- and him and his wife jumped in their car and was gone as fast as they could go.

I checked the mail box and there was the eviction notice that I was looking for. He told us that we had to be out of our apartment by November 30th.

I called them and left them a message asking what was going on, Ken called them the next day, on Monday and left them another message, still no returned calls.

Ken called his Social Worker from Project Aware and she called them several times during the week and eventually sent them a letter asking why we were being evicted, they never answered her either.

I did some research on the internet and made a call to the Board of Health concerning the spraying of Fleas, told them what he was going to use to spray, Kens condition, The selective spraying of only one of the three apartments in our building, ect. They told me that while he does have the right to exterminate he was required to give us at least a weeks notice, not less than 24 hours and that because of Kens condition he could not use something that would be harmful to his health. They also told me that they would send him a letter concerning the rules of exterminating an apartment and their concerns with using a product that would be harmful to Kens health, They also said that they would send him a list of non toxic products that he could use to exterminate.

Research on the internet provided some valuable information concerning tenants rights concerning evictions.

1. Since we had a lease, we resigned it October 1st, he had to send us a NOTICE to QUIT, he sent us a NOTICE TO TERMINATE A TENANCY AT WILL.

2. The notice to Quit was to be sent registered mail or delivered by a Constible, not stuffed into a mail box.

3. The Notice to Quit must include the reasons for the eviction, ours did not.

I contacted Project Aware and they refered me to their Lawyer. He sent the landlord a registered letter inquiring on the eviction, wanting to know the reasons for the eviction and wanted to speak to our landlord Lawyer. He recieved no respose form the landlord.

Project Awares lawyer informed us not to vacate the apartment but to wait and force our landlord to take us to court.

I did see the landlord the first week of November and cornered him for information. He told me that he had every right to exterminate and we refused to let him so that was terms to evict us. He said that we didnt have a lease but actually were tenants at will according to his Lawyer. He said that he had the right to "protect" the health of the rest of his tenants from "Our Fleas"

I told him that i had every right to protect Kens health and he then told me that his lawyer told him that ken didnt have anymore rights than the rest of his tenants. I told him that maybe he needs to get a different lawyer or let our Lawyer talk to his. He stormed away and we didnt see him the rest of November.

Continued:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top